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Hello ppl, welcome back after the big break. I have been waiting for you guys to come back and finally the time is here. While my time has been sailing away in gridded graphs, distinct curves, co-relations and co-efficients, pls let me know what has been keepin u busy or the other way around. While beautiful spring has risen in the northern hemisphere, I learn about the heat wave and soaring mercury in the southern half. While you guys are sleeping in double air-conditioned rooms as your parents sweat away in thirst, all I can do is present this piece to quench your thirst for yet another means of efficiently wasting time. So sit back with a chill drink and enjoy. Without further ado, I bring to you…

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These instances occur very rarely in a lifetime and its for this reason that this has taken a special seat in my in-built memory card. Dad had temporarily suspended his first love – newspapers and had taken the effort to make breakfast for me. I mean, it was just cereal, but I appreciated the effort. I suspiciously took the bowl and began examining the stuff, I couldnt exactly understand the actions. Rewind a little and maybe there was an explanation. I had woken up at 6′o clock, and after some lazy tv-watching and push-ups, I had an enjoyable bath and was all dressed up for school. It was probably the only time this happened in my schooling career and Dad was there with his token of recognition. He was surprised by my actions and I was baffled with his reaction. But most confused was mom. She stood there shocked by what she had just witnessed between father and son. It was embarrasing for me to be caught in a moment of truce with dad and I fled the scene. I left home all motivated and pumped up by the events over breakfast and I needed every bit of this encouragement. This was gonna be a special day. WHY ?

People who know me will tell you that I wake up this early either when I am nervous/excited or for a travel journey. People who dont know me will not. In this case, it was the former. Its not very often that I wanted to rush things with girls…. I mean ‘girl’. You know where I am heading. Obviously. There s no way anything like examinations, trouble in school or police enquiry would apprehend me anymore. It has to be something close to my heart… like a football match, last samosa left… or a gal. All along, I have taken a very long time before opening up to a girl. This was a lil’ different and strange. It felt like the time taken was short cos it was only 8 months since I knew the girl. But it felt like it was very long cos I knew almost everything about the girl. Well, I am not the first over-confident guy to make that mistake and I promise you, wont be the last.

Every step I took towards the bus point, into the classroom, thorugh the corridors, there was only one thought occupying the space between my ears. Multiple evaluations of the risk and return profile of this venture were running and the stakes were very high. All the time, I had the result I wanted. Finally, I made up my mind and decided to practice what I preach – make this things clear and transparent for both of us, give myself and us a chance. Tell her. Now, while making such decisions, I would normally consult my council of ministers including the local gujju Birbal. But this time, I wanted it to be my call and more importantly I wanted her to know this first. Afterall, if she does throw a ‘No’ and then a slipper, I can avoid the embarrasment infronta my folks, to whom I can say, “I never liked her that way”.

I managed nervous smiles to a few people and maintained a very low profile in the class. Perhaps, a rare instance where I remained silent for this long, but I knew, if there was a ‘yes’, there will a lot more instances. She was hanging about with her frens – things seemed to be normal with her. It was the small break and I went upto her for the big moment. I took a deep breath and Mason started a convo with her. Shuks… it was like rain disturbing an exciting cricket match you were waiting to watch. I thought to myself – the lunch break is always there and good food will definitely give me more confidence. Another 80 mins to go. The clock ticked by slowly and nervously like defending a one goal lead in extra time. Einstein’s theory of relativity made more sense that ever. The slowness of the time was strongly and inversely co-related to the speed of my heartbeat. The lunch bell rang and my heart almost came out thru my mouth. This was it, I couldnt take it anymore. When it came to the moment of truth, the ever truthful was missing. I could not find her in her usual zones of green-grazing. I was in no mood to play hide and seek. Ah, I found her. It was destined that our chemistry was to be tested out in the Physics lab.

I had not prepared any lines in advance. I definitely did not carry a red rose. All I had was my heavy heart with a lot of thoughts blossoming in them and I wanted it to be natural. She stood by one of the many tables playing with a transparent ruler. I thought to myself – “If I could make things transparent to her, I will be the ruler” – whatay analogy !!! Though ppl in the lab were busy with their own ‘things’, for some reason I felt like everybody’s eyes were on me like Tendulkar walking into Eden Gardens for a tournament final. Completely unromantic objects like compass, Ohm’s meter and Hare’s apparatus added to my confidence. I always considered myself a decent speaker but I could not find any words in the language. Finally, I did.

Me: Hi.

One: Took you so long to say this ???

Me: What ?

One: What what ?

Me: Hang on… I am here to say something.

One:………………..

Her silence gave me some time to re-gather myself. She stood there patiently playing the ruler. I looked up at her. There was expectation, desperation and an elegant longing in her eyes. I saw a lithium-like sensation by the end of her cheek, outlining her face, inviting me closer to them. She was smelling more fragrant than ever. Her body seemed more upright than ever before. If at all I needed some reassurance, I had it now. Once again I took a deep breath, took Mom’s name for courage and slowly spoke out making sure she understood every word clearly.

Me: For the past few days, I have been telling you about this girl I am beginning to like. Its you, One. I love you. Will you please be with me ?

One: Yes, but after 25 years.

Me: (my mind slowly did the Maths. 16+25= 30+11=41). 41 years ? Isnt that a lil’ old ?

One: (LOL) No, I meant after we turn 25 years.

I did not understand the logic but did not want any. She drowned herself in an ocean of shyness and looked at everything else except me. I could see she was happy. Then she stopped, looked up at me and then smiled widely and uncontrollably again. Thank goodness she did, cos had she told the above lines without a smile, I would have probably gone down on both my knees and stayed there for many more days to come. Both of us were smiling for the next many moments with happiness, in relief and most importantly, in love. I couldnt stop looking at her  bending and waving and trying differnt postures to cover her face. I wanted to grab her right there and kiss her. Surprisingly, I still had the brains not to do it, considering the trouble it might cause. In hindsight, thinking of all the trouble that was caused anyways, maybe I shud have just done it. This was the first time of many when I wanted to say/ do something which would have been more apt and ‘romantic’ but never did. I never knew how such ‘cute and cuddly’ stuff were done. I was never good at it. Maybe, if I had let self-control loose and gone ahead with my words and actions, the relationsip would have turned out a lot different. But then, hindsight is blindsight.

I did not have lunch. She did. Perhaps, one of the few things I would sacrifice food for. Both of us returned to the classroom, me with a lighter heart. I didnt couldnt help looking at her for many different reasons. I felt like I had the RIGHT, not that the teachers would accept that as an excuse:-

Teacher: Arjun, why are u looking at her ?

Me: I have the right.

Teacher: I’ll slap you tight.

Me: Ya right.

Teacher: RIGHT now, get outta my class.

This was one day that I never wanted to end. We could not talk on phone that evening. In spite of the day’s happenings, we did not have enough of it. Her mom did not go out for a walk that evening. Given the turn in the tale, we needed to talk more than ever. I dont remember where I spent the rest of the evening – must have been at Yats’ place. It was obviously not the ideal and perfect proposal. All I know is it worked for me. Knowing One as well as I do (I dare say that), maybe she would have liked it a lil’ different. Not ‘knee and ring’ style excatly, but atleast more suited words and expressions and not silly number -based questions amidst voltmeters with an electrocuted look on my face.

Thinking about it now, if I had the chance to prepare the lines in advance, I probably would have done a more ‘picturesque and scenic’ job. I am not sure I would have spoken them though. I wish I could get another chance. I wish I could go close to her, take her hands to my heart that she feels it beating like base drums. I wish I could look into her and tell her that I tried my best not in fall in love with you but am afraid I have failed. You have pulled me towards you with some never-experienced force of density and passion. You are away and I long. You are with me and I want more. You have become an addiction for me. I have heard people saying ‘you complete me’. But I am hollow without you. I am not sayin that I am different or my love is special – I dont know. All I know is you are special and I love you. I cant forget you. I dont want to forget you. It is selfish but the truth – I need you. I want us to go through every minute together cos I dont want you to turn any moment and not find me beside you. The first time you smiled at me was a merciless attack on my innocence, shelter and conscience and ever since, every word I speak is a pathetic attempt to make you smile. The time I spend with you is a bliss and not many people are lucky enough to experience this heavenly blessing being on earth. Without any impractical promises, I only want us to be together. Not only cos I want to make you smile, protect you, spoil you and make love to you for all you like, but I just want us to be together.

As good as these lines might or might not sound, I could have never told these to her. But then, I just wish I could have… Everytime I think back, I picturise her as a sweet lil child, loving whom is not forced. It flows naturally out of you like rain falling from the kingdom of heaven. A child that I wish never grew up.

She’s got a smile that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Now and then when I see her face
She takes me away to that special place
And if I’d stare too long
I’d probably break down and cry

She’s got eyes of the bluest skies
As if they thought of rain
I hate to look into those eyes
And see an ounce of pain
Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place
Where as a child I’d hide
And pray for the thunder
And the rain
To quietly pass me by

Sweet child o’ mine
Sweet love of mine*

Do a favour and please leave your comments, now that the IPL is over, you have no excuse. Come back next week as return to Maverick ways. I leave you with the ever-so-brilliant, video of the above song’s original from one of my favourite bands below. As Slash strings the guitar, till next week, Fly High !!!

PS: Belated birthday wishes to Dad, J.Dhinesh Kumar, Savy, Gunjan Agarawal, Shobha, Rajiv Sai, Viswesh, Pankaj Tejwani, Sunny Mehta, Mahjabeen Ali and Sneha Wadhwani. A very happy birthday to Lucy. Miss you Neelam.

*- Guns N’ Roses (1988), Appetite for Destruction.